WHEN YOU’RE NOT LOOKING FOR IT!

We have all had unexpected pleasant or even joyful or ecstatic   experiences. I just know we have. They may not have been acknowledged or even sought after. Once they are recognized, however, especially later in life, after years of longing, they belong to you without doubt or need for clarification.

Many of my really important desires, those of personal recognition and gratitude for my talents and actions and appearance have all come to pass here in the god forsaken outpost of Eilat, Israel. Rather I should say they have culminated here at a time in life when I no longer continued to seek people’s positive recognition.

I was so enamored of the French language early on in 7^th grade when I met a Jewish girl from Belgium in my Jr. High who had escaped from the Nazi regime after losing both of her parents to that regime. Much of my life, when meeting strangers, I affected a French accent and told people I was from Belgium borrowing this young girl’s identity. I could soon “pass”, for I spoke pretty fluent French, simple albeit, and had a story that was quite remarkable.

One was that I had a brother, named Robert, and left any details about him to be merely surmised. I was an only child and harbored huge regret about that fact of my life. When I reached the age of 17, my father and his second wife had a baby whom they named Arthur .I adored him, and still do .He is a grand Rabbi in   a very old and well known Yeshiva in Jerusalem. He is the reason my husband & I chose to come to live in Israel .

Now, I do speak Hebrew quite fluently, and work on my accent to be native. The irony of being taken for French (of whom there are many here in Eilat!) every third time I open my mouth in speech, is dazzling!”Oh you are French, yes?” 

So I just answer ,”yes” and smile and no, I do not want to be taken as French here, but dwell in the absolute irony of it all!

I am frequently seen as attractive or an important actress here by both men and women. Sometimes, as  a famous and well admired Russian screen actress(now deceased) whom  I have seen in photos,(gorgeous!).I have always felt deeply insecure about my appearance. I have since childhood wanted to be taken for a “movie star”!I am often stopped in the street or at bus stops and asked , ‘’ Who are you?”

Then I wanted to be the “Best Dressed” in the class in Jr. High where such choices were voted upon.I was “the cutest girl”, yes, but never the best dressed.

In Eilat, I am just that!!To boot, I buy 95 % of my clothes at a charity outlet for homeless girls and unmarried mothers- to- be. I am frequently asked where I buy my clothes! I have been asked to organize a how-to-dress seminar, and OH! , how to choose colors!!

I am currently working on a movie script loosely based on my life. Someone requested it. It is herein that I recognized the beauty advanced age can hold.

I recently spoke before a fairly large group of English speakers about the broad topic of language. I opened eyes and ears and raised voices in both approval and disagreement. There are many English speakers here who have not ventured long in trying to learn Hebrew. They think others should speak English! I teach Hebrew privately to older adults with some success. That is if I can get them to overcome the “I’m too old” factor!

Life can be rewarding as older has crept up rather quickly, and I dare say I have more self confidence with each year. There is the dread of the end, yes, not to be denied. Each day has to be lived thoroughly, more so than before.

I feel sexier each day, and wallow in the acceptance I have been receiving here.

So----look back, if you will, and let me know some of your new acknowledgements, perhaps recently discovered that you had been longing for!

MISS RHEINGOLD